I have nothing against New York.
Except the Yankees, courtesy of A) being an American not living in New York; B) growing up an hour north of Baltimore.
Nothing against the Giants or Jets or football in the greater New York area.
But the Super Bowl in New York/New Jersey in February?
Actually, let's get it straight. It's in Jersey, so call it Jersey. It's a few miles/slash/half an hour from the heart of New York City. It's Jersey, as in "Jersey Shore" and "Real Idiotic Housewives from New Jersey."
Frankly, I don't really have anything against Jersey, either. Except Newark.
It's fairly hysterical that an event that is only partially about the event is going to be held at a winter wonderland.
The least they can do is leave the Christmas decorations up in The City.
It's nice that New York's organizers are planning hand-warmers and heated seat cushions. There are, of course, other body parts with special warmth needs nobody's talked about.
But let, say, Dallas makes it and loses to, oh, Pittsburgh. While that would be an exquisite result, it would also explode at least one level of Jerry Jones' facelifts and he'd try to get the game at The Jerry Bowl every year.
There's the pure, simple and ignored logic of wanting your ultimate game, the one for the trophy and money, to be played under the best possible conditions.
No question some of our greatest NFL playoff games have come in challenging conditions, like Green Bay, Cleveland, Baltimore and New York and Pittsburgh.
Part of the reward of winning those games is playing for everything in a substantially more optimum environmental situation, and a more scenic winter place, like Tampa or Miami or L.A. or New Orleans.
What's next, the Pro Bowl in Denver?
And remember this: the increasingly least relevant part of the two weeks of the Super Bowl is the actual football itself, thus the usual boring-ass games.
We have two weeks of hype, of Showbiz Tonight being on site, of People magazine coverage, of silliness, two weeks of broadcasting crap.
So much for the outdoor parties and festivities and plazas.
"Step right up and hit the target with snowball shaped like a football and win the official parka of the Super Bowl."
And then there's the selling and hyping of New York, the capital of the world and finance and fashion – like that matters when you're talking about the likes of Tony Siragusa on hand – and food – which does matter when you're talking about the likes of Tony Siragusa on hand.
From wire reports:
"Let's face it," Giants co-owner John Mara said, "there's only one New York City."
"There's something special about this city," Jets cornerback Darrelle Revis said.
Fellas, we're all well aware of what New York has to offer. Hey, I've watched "Law and Order" faithfully lo these many years.
Do we neeeeed more hype? Do we neeeeed slobbering about New York City? Doesn't NYC have enough?
One bonus: traffic may impede Chris Berman from making the studio on time at some point, which would give ESPN some of its best NFL coverage ever.
Sadly, I don't see that happening.
Then again, this is apparently a one-time deal, the NFL bypassing the "game site must average 50 degrees around Super Bowl time rule) to let New York bid legally.
But I recall the massive whining - hello, ESPN hosts and generally arrogant national media - when conditions in Atlanta in 2000 didn’t match Chamber of Commerce weather of peach blossoms, sun dresses and strip joints.
It was, well, New York weather, and there's talk of how long Atlanta's penance will be for Mother Nature's influence.
Know one thing. Jerry Jones won't be happy if he returns home and finds that the winter weather has melted his injected and stretched face and he suddenly looks like Elmer Fudd.
OK, now I'm warming to this plan.
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