God bless Charles Barkley, long may he rant.
And so he did recently to CNBC during a golf tournament, mostly on LeBron's day as an attention-seeking ESPN program director.
"He handled it horribly. That one hour special, that was silly. No. 1, I think he should have told the Cavaliers in advance.
"But the ESPN thing was just silly."
On the 10 million peeps who watched "The Decision":
"That's like people who Twitter. They got no life. I think anybody who Twitters, they're an idiot. And I think anybody who sit around and watch (The Decision) is an idiot also. I was in Canada, so I didn't get to watch it. I was really excited about that.
"Listen, he was gonna make a decision, it wasn't like it was life-changing or earth-shattering. I mean, we got a lot more serious stuff going on.
"To sit around and watch a guy announce where he's going to go play basketball, that's just silly."
A little going out music, please.
"Those people watch 'Jersey Shore' and 'The Kardashians,' so you can't take them serious, either."
One day, I will hug Charles Barkley, and will do so with a smile on my face and tears in my eyes.
LOUGHDMOUTHINGS
Wise move by Southern Cal to dump AD Mike Garrett. Wiser move to bring in Pat Haden.
Garrett will reportedly immediate seek treatment for oral tenea pids, known to civilians as "foot in mouth disease."
Murals of Reggie Bush and O.J. Mayo - another lying former Trojan - will be taken down.
And the Trojans will return the Heisman awarded Reggie Bush in 2005. Still no word if they'll return Garrett's 1965 Heisman for retroactively being a dingbat AD.
In an unrelated story, Lane Kiffin blamed Urban Meyer and Nick Saban for the oil spill in the Gulf. ...
Umpires will have a moment of silence at some point in the coming days with the news that Lou Pinella will retire.
It's quite ironic, since "silence" and "Pinella" don't go together in the same sentence. ...
Sad that media folks are stuck with babysitting the annual Brett Favre story all summer. At least he's not yanking around South Florida. That'd be combat pay, the crap with LeBron followed by the crap with Favre. ...
So North Carolina, South Carolina, Alabama and Florida are in the NCAA's sights because of players dealing with an agent.
Penalize the players for being dingbats. And send them a daily text: "Agents = bad." Put up this motivational billboard in players' lounges: "Agents = bad." During practices in the stadium, flash on the videoboard: "Agents = bad."
Not surprisingly, Nick Saban took a fairly Nazi-esque approach to the NFL and colleges, in a wire story.
"I'm about ready for college football to say, 'Let's just throw the NFL out. Don't let them evaluate players. Don't let them talk to players. Let them do it at the combine.' If they are not going to help us, why should we help them?"
That's because Saban and his staff avoided college campuses when he was with the Dolphins. Sure they did.
But really, kids, if a party at an agent's crib in South Beach doesn't raise a red flag, you've been playing football without your helmet again. ...
Softball legend Jennie Finch is going to retire next month.
Mythical baseball legend Sidd Finch is staying retired. ...
So D-Wade didn't quite grasp the idiocy of comparing a Heat slump to 9-11? Couldn't quite offer a better analogy? Missed the fact that 9-11 will hurt for generations?
If Miami slumps, it really won't be news. Sorry, Wade, it won't be. You'll struggle more than most think, so yes, we were a little surprised at your arrogance:
""There's going to be times when we might lose one, two games in a row, maybe two games, three games in a row, you never know. ... You all are going to make it seem like the World Trade has just went down again.
And then Tim McCarver, who somebody was actually listening to without blood spurting from their ears - like a job killing oil well in the Gulf, heh heh heh - comes up with this whatcha-been-drinkin winner:
"You remember some of those despotic leaders in World War II, primarily in Russia and Germany, where they used to take those pictures that they had ... taken of former generals who were no longer alive, they had shot 'em. They would airbrush the pictures, and airbrushed the generals out of the pictures.
"In a sense, that's what the Yankees have done with Joe Torre. They have airbrushed his legacy. I mean, there's no sign of Joe Torre at the stadium. And that's ridiculous. I don't understand it."
I mean, huh? Stick in the sound of Bugs Bunny shaking his head ferociously.
Dimbo's apology?
"Although my analogy was inappropriate, in my opinion the underlying point remains true. That Yankee management - not the players, they have embraced Joe Torre and always will - has erased Joe Torre from their history, for the most part. The way the Yankees treated Joe was not in response to the book he wrote (”The Yankee Years”). The book came out well after the old Stadium closed. But I admit my analogy was over the top.”
And so it's been said, many times, many ways: ya think?
McCarver remains FCC-violation bad - somehow, he's related to Chris Berman - and Wade's been hanging around some stupid people. Has Mel or Lindsay been to SoBe lately? ...
And speaking of sad, Jimmy Johnson is taking his hair to "Survivor: Nicaragua", it appears. ...
More than twice as many people watched The Decision for an hour than watched the first round of the Masters and Tiger's return.
And the British Open's ratings were the lowest in 28 years.
Yet golf remains the most overcovered sport out there. ...
Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times knows that the truth hurts.
"The U.S. Postal Service wants to increase the cost of stamps by 2 cents, effective next January.
"The Clippers, always looking to cut costs, immediately announced they just mail it in by December."
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